All Emotions Matter in High Performance: Why “And” Is More Powerful Than “But”

In sport (and in life) we are often taught to eliminate negative emotions. Don’t be nervous. Don’t feel fear. Stay calm. Be confident. But emotions don’t work that way. And when we try to suppress or override them, the body usually pushes back harder.

High performance doesn’t require the absence of nerves, fear, or stress. It requires the ability to allow those emotions to coexist with trust, confidence, and purpose.

Emotions like nerves, fear, and stress are often labeled as bad or unhelpful. They are information, not threats. Nerves signal that something matters. Fear reflects uncertainty or risk. Stress is the body preparing to meet a demand.

When athletes try to suppress these emotions by telling themselves they shouldn’t feel this way, the nervous system interprets that suppression as danger. Muscle tension increases. Breathing becomes shallow. Attention narrows. Performance often suffers. The body doesn’t relax when emotions are ignored. It relaxes when emotions are acknowledged and integrated.

Acceptance Creates Regulation

Accepting an emotion does not mean giving into it or letting it take control. Acceptance simply means allowing the experience to exist without resistance. When you acknowledge, “I feel nervous,” the brain no longer needs to amplify the signal to get your attention. This reduces internal conflict and allows the nervous system to shift out of a threat response more efficiently. Acceptance creates calm faster than control.

The Power of “AND” Thinking

One of the most effective mental performance tools is replacing “but” with “and.”

“I’m nervous and I trust my preparation.”

“I’m scared and I’m grateful for this opportunity.”

“I feel pressure and I know I belong here.”

Using “but” dismisses the initial emotion.
Using “and” allows both experiences to coexist.

This matters because the brain doesn’t need you to eliminate fear to perform, it needs you to pair that fear with something grounding and trustworthy. Rather than reframing emotions into something they’re not, effective restructuring adds stability to the experience. This approach builds emotional credibility. The mind doesn’t argue with itself, and the body stays more regulated.

Why Suppression Backfires in Performance

Suppressing emotions requires effort, and effort costs energy.

When athletes suppress fear or nerves, muscle tension increases, reaction time slows, decision-making becomes rigid. fatigue sets in sooner. Allowing emotions to exist frees up mental and physical resources allowing the body to perform as it already knows how to perform. The goal is not to feel calm, confident, and fearless at all times. The goal is to perform effectively while feeling human.

Elite performers don’t wait for the “perfect” emotional state. They learn how to acknowledge what’s present, anchor into trust and preparation, move forward anyway

When emotions are allowed to coexist, they lose their power to control performance and instead become part of the process.

If you are interested in doing more work around this acceptance skill, reach out to Sarah to set up your personalized session today.